Category: Uncategorized

Here is a burgeoning collection of Monk and Friar one-liners.*

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Q: How does a fire brigade of Franciscans get to the scene of a burning building?

A: In a Friar-truck. 

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Q: What emergency evacuation procedure is the favorite for the men in a Dominican priory?

A:The Friar drill. 

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Q: What do you call a Franciscan with a PhD. in philosophy?

A: A deep Friar

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Q: What do you call a Benedictine responsible for frying potatoes at a fish dinner?

A: The Chip Monk

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Q: In case of fire, what exit do Dominicans use to evacuate the priory?

A: Friar Exit

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Q: What do you call a globe, a fan and a Dominican?

A: Earth, Wind and Friar

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Note: *Monks and friars are not the same; the main difference is their lifestyle and focus: monks live a cloistered, contemplative life in a monastery, dedicated to prayer and work in solitude (like Benedictines), while friars (“brothers”) belong to mendicant orders (like Franciscans, Dominicans) and are active in the world, serving people through preaching and charity. Both take vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience, but monks remain in one place, whereas friars travel to serve the community. 

Don’t get me started, don’t nag me please. Here is a list of my most petty pet peeves.

• I don’t like reading the fine print, don’t usually read it all. Most other times I’m clueless, I miss the handwriting on the wall. 
• I can barely tolerate road construction, but what is a guy to do? The detours that they’ve posted are under construction too!
• Here’s one that really gets me, excuse me for being curt. I just can’t stand holes in the elbows of a long sleeve shirt.
• When I get the urge for a late night snack, off to the kitchen to grab a quick bite, or so I think. The refrigerator is bare, there’s nary a crumb, however dishes fill the sink.
• On the bright side, customer service at some retailers is something to which we can all aspire. For example, a local shop in these parts, gives free air with the purchase of each tire.
• The high winds of November in Michigan, another of my pet peeves. After the gales blow through town, I’m in my backyard raking my neighbor’s leaves.
• The postcard from Hawaii, said “Tell the kids we miss them. Wish they could be here too.”  Grandpa’s immediate  reply to Hawaii, “I’m checking flights now, I’ll be sending them to you!”
• What goes through the mind of a fast-food server, sometimes I really don’t know. When by myself, ordering 100 sliders the question they asked was, “Is this for here or to go?”

There once was a Moose from Duluth. 

A bit of a snitch, to tell the truth. 

He was heard to say,

“The thief went that a’way!”

Cops cuffed him in a phone booth. 

There was a young Moose from New Leipzig.

A purveyor of the delicious, Turkish white fig.

Awarded the USDA certification,

that his were the best in the nation. 

He broke into an Irish jig.  

 

 

There once was a squad of wrestlers from Mandan.

Wrestling in the style ‘catch-as-catch-can’.

These grapplers achieved ‘top-rate’.

In 1977 they were champions of the state.

Thrilling every North Dakota wrestling fan.

 

There once was a Moose from Killdeer. 

By profession a robotics engineer.

His prize possession was a cap,

commemorating the ‘Zip to Zap’.

In 1969 he was there drinking beer.  

 

 

 

 

There I was, driving home from work, traveling the usual hilly, tree-lined route.

Suddenly appearing in front of me, a car, from a hidden driveway it came out. 

I braked real hard, honked my horn, in anger I shook my fist. 

The other driver was unconcerned, my antics he dismissed. 

In my mind I was thinking what kind of guy is this, some kind of career politician? 

Then he turned his car into a driveway; obviously he’s a trained magician. 

Buffalo and Bison are often confused, not of themselves, by human beings. 

Asian water buffalo are employed in agriculture, rather than mechanical machines. 

The Bison is native to the grasslands, to the Great Plains in the USA. 

Buffalo  prefer the savannas in sub-Saharan Africa, far away.

Here is one of the craziest beliefs, it’s of the wildest things.

People in North America think that Buffalo actually have wings.  

 

On the sterns of warships from Sweden, Denmark, and Norway,

The Admiralty ordered a QR code be on display.

A rather curious command, for what use could it possibly be?

For commercial use it made sense, not for ships going out to sea. 

They guaranteed it was based on reason, not just a passing whim. 

By this practice, when ships return, port authorities will Scandinavian. 

 

 

Let us take a moment to consider a term coming anew. 

This is only meant to give our minds something on which to chew. 

The continual regrowth of epithelial cells is regeneration. 

Activities to refresh the body and mind are recreation. 

Pumping gas into a car is refueling. 

What comes next may incite linguistic dueling. 

I propose a new term, perhaps a bit jolting.

Charging the battery in an EV will be revolting.