There was an animal psychologist from Clio.
In his office was a crocodile from Cairo.
The Doc had to convince his client,
Who remained reclusive and silent.
That he was a hypochondriac in de-Nile.
Author: NDExile
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For Whom the Bell Tolls
What is one word that describes you?
If I were to choose a word, one that fits me well.
It would be bright and loud, a bit pear-shaped, I think I’d choose ‘bell’.
When left alone and all is calm, you see from me great poise.
But when disturbed and startled, you’ll hear from me great noise.
If you’re bored and your day is slow.
Just reach out, shake me a bit and for you the bell will toll.
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Make Up Your Mind Already
Considering a choice, the man stood fanding.
Frustration and impatience, expanding.
Can you not choose?
Do the facts you confuse?
Oh no, I have a ‘clear’ misunderstanding.
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The Short and the Long of it
What was the best compliment you’ve received?
The best compliment received came in aisle 4.
I was in the canned vegetable section of the grocery store.
An elderly woman, short in stature with steel gray hair, said, “Sir could you help me, do you have a moment to spare?”
She went on, “I am usually self-sufficient doing things myself,
But could you fetch me a can of peas and carrots off the top shelf?”
Said I, “It would be a pleasure and no trouble at all.”
Responding she said, “Thank you so much, you are kind and tall.”
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King of the Road
You’re going on a cross-country trip. Airplane, train, bus, car, or bike?
Crossing this nation one travels far.
I’ll not go by bike, rather by car.
Baggage handling, seat assignments, oh what a pain.
That’s what you get with air, bus or train.
I’ll see the open prairies, I am king of the road.
At the end of my journey I’ll arrive peacefully to my abode.
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Ethical Treatment of Ants
There once was an aardvark from France.
He had an aversion to eating ants.
Possessed with a strong wish,
to never eat shellfish.
His proteins were based on plants.
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Raise one up!
There was a man from East Gatwick.
A devotee of the Day of St. Patrick.
When the Day falls on Monday,
Party too on Saturday and Sunday.
Thus an Irish Hat Trick!
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Sherlock Moose
There was an astute Moose from Duluth.
Preferred his Manhattans sans vermouth.
Offering services generated by AI,
With associated fees extremely high,
He marketed himself as a cultured sleuth.
What’s a Moose to Do?
There once was a moose from Duluth.
Plagued with a cavity in one tooth.
Should he visit a dentist?
Or a mason’s apprentice?
How ‘bout the girl at the kissing booth?
Are You Done?
There once was a Moose from Cheyenne.
Spent hours daily working on his tan.
Then off to the gym
To stay fit and slim.
For breakfast he eats Oat Bran.
It’s True, Right?
There once was a Moose from Duluth.
Professing a relative moral truth.
My ways are true,
Yours can be too.
Those who disagree are uncouth.
A Recluse Moose
There once was a Moose from Duluth.
Known to be a bit of a recluse.
He lived in a vacant dairy.
Not haunted but a bit scary.
He serves his guests Beetle-juice.
Don’t Laugh at This Moose
There once was a Moose from Dunkirk.
Desiring to do his own dental work.
Advanced skills he developed well,
Performing his own root canal.
Laughing gas drove him berserk.
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The Prayers of a Loving Mother
Your dear mother is no longer here, she’s following Our Lord to her new home. Once she’s there and settled in, she’ll look down from heaven’s dome.
In her earthly life, with all her strength, she cared for her family through prayer. The Lord was kind and generous, none of His graces did he spare.
From here on earth her prayers, they seemed to do quite well.
Up in heaven, so near the Lord, you should expect more than one can tell.Now in the Lord’s presence, she’ll pray for your each and every need. Your prayers are her prayers and on your behalf she will intercede.
Jesus loves His mother, He loves your mother too.
I imagine Him saying, “Yes” to what she’ll ask of Him to do.Your mother hasn’t yet stopped the work she started here on earth. She cared for you each day of your life, from the moment of your birth.
Keep her in mind, keep her in your heart and don’t ever feel alone. Remain confident in her prays and love, she’ll be praying until you’re home.
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Radical Standardization
This new approach has many shocked and surprised.
There’s a long explanation, here it’s summarized.
Days of free activists are coming to an end.
One-off solutions are no one’s friend
Radicals will now be standardized.
The Ethereal Scupper 